Didn't You Know?
by AshlynnElizabeth
Summary: Song fic, based on Kellie Pickler’s song, Didn’t You Know How Much I Loved You? Tony wonders if Gibbs knew how much he really did love him.


Title: Didn't you know?

Author: Ashley

Fandom: NCIS

Ship: Tony/Gibbs

Disclaimer: If I owned them do you honestly think that Tony and Gibbs would still be straight?? And I don't own Kellie's song either, all credit goes to her.

Rating: T

Warning: Slash, a tiny bit of self angst.

Summary: Song fic, based on Kellie Pickler's song, Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You? Tony wonders if Gibbs knew how much he really did love him.

Authors Notes: I love this pairing, don't you?! They are amazing. I was originally planning on writing a Criminal Minds fic to this little plot bunny, but I really feel like having another story up in the NCIS fandom. Please read and review! Thanks so much!

_I remember the way you made love to me,_

_Like I was all you'd ever need. _

_Did you change your mind? _

_Well I didn't change mine. _

It wasn't like I had planned on it happening, it just had. It was a night I wanted to forget, but unfortunately for me, my partner forgot it all too easily. I couldn't even begin to say how long I had had feelings for the man, he was everything I had ever wanted, and everything I needed in a lover.

It was a rough case, that's all it had been, and we had both needed a little comfort. Being in his arms was more amazing than I had ever imagined and I would never forget the way it felt when we made love. Here I am sounding like a woman… I never thought I would feel this way about someone before he waltzed into my life.

He made love to me like I was the only one he would ever want, he was caring, tender, careful, patient, everything anyone could ever want, and nothing I had ever expected from him. His calloused hands had glided easily over my skin, skilled and gentle. I could hardly believe that such rough hands, the hands of a Marine Corps sniper that had taken many lives, could be that gentle.

I was in love with him, and I was in so deep. The worst part of my whole situation? Not one person, save for Abby, knew about that one forbidden night that I had had no business in taking.

_Now here I am trying to make sense of it all, _

_We were best friends now we don't even talk. _

_You broke my heart, _

_Ripped my world apart. _

I should have quit him while I had the chance. I should have taken that out he offered me that night. I should have, should have, should have… There were so many things I should have done, the biggest and most glaring: I shouldn't have fallen in love with him. But, as Abby says, the heart only sees what it wants to see.

He hadn't even spoken to me since that night and it broke my heart. He had said things that night that had given me hope, and then he crushed that hope without a spoken word. I had never taken him for a liar. He completely shredded my well ordered world.

I licked the envelope in my hand and sealed it, staring at the front of it. He had forced me into this. Abby had begged and pleaded on his and her behalf, but I just couldn't take it anymore.

"Please don't do this Tony. Don't leave us," She whispered as she watched me tuck the envelope into my blazer pocket.

"I have to, you know that. Take care of him for me Abs. I love you like a sister, take care of ALL of them. I'll see you soon." Abby nodded, and then she started crying and threw her arms around me. I hesitated, if I left then I risked tearing the team apart, but if I stayed I risked my heart even more. I knew I had to go.

He had no idea how much I cared…

_Didn't you know how much I loved you? _

_Didn't you know how much I loved you baby? _

_I gave you everything, every part of me. _

_Didn't you feel it when I touched you? _

_Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby? _

_Baby tell me, _

_Didn't you know how much I loved you?_

He had no idea that I had fallen in love with him the moment I had met him for the first time, never knew that I took the job he offered me just to get close to him. I gave up everything for him, and gave him everything that I had left after that.

It was never enough for him; I was never enough for him.

That night I had shared with him… I would never stop reliving it, and it had ruined any future relationships that I might have had. Everyone would continually be measured up to him, and I would never be able to love any one like I had loved him.

I had never touched anyone the way I touched him, had never been so careful with anyone. And that night that lasted longer than any night should, and still wasn't enough, was filled with sweet nothings and multiple sighs of completion from both myself and him.

I thought that I had showed him exactly how much I loved him, but obviously I was wrong because when I woke up in the morning he was gone, and he didn't speak to me the next day, or the next day, and then after that it was only to ask me what I had found out about a case.

Damn him.

And now, two months later, I come to my breaking point. Either I get the hell out of Dodge, or I self destruct, and that second option doesn't end well for anyone.

"Is it true?" I heard a soft voice behind me, and spun around to see Ziva, her face a mix of hurt and understanding. I nodded and once and continued to head toward the bullpen. "We don't want you to go. _I _don't want you to go, Tony." I turned back toward her, and smiled softly.

"I'll be just down the road, at the FBI headquarters. I'm sure that we'll butt heads over cases more than once in the future Zi, and I am always a phone call away." Ziva held her arms out tentatively, and I pulled her into a hug.

"He doesn't know what he's missing out on, Tony." I pulled back and we walked in silence back toward the bullpen again. I approached his area, and set the envelope down on his desk before taking one last look around, bidding Ziva farewell and leaving.

_I can't get you out of my head, _

_I still feel you in this bed. _

_Left me all alone, _

_You couldn't be more gone. _

I lay down in my bed, and put my pillow over my head. I was desperate to forget that night, and forget him. But I knew that wouldn't happen, I had been trying for too long to even think that I would ever forget it.

Maybe I should move out of this house… Everywhere in my bedroom, I could feel him, see him, and even damn smell him. It was like he was still laying in my bed.

I threw myself out of bed and calmly walked down my stairs, needing fresh air desperately. .My deck was the one place left in my house that I didn't feel his presence, and it was the one place in my house that I could think without my thoughts being clouded.

He couldn't be more gone from my mind in that split second that I first stepped outside.

_From falling apart to fighting mad, _

_From wanting you back to not giving a damn, _

_I've felt it all, _

_I've been to the wall. _

I had let my mind drift back to him only moments aft I had driven all thoughts away. I thought more about falling apart after he left than I had in a while, it wasn't a pretty thing t I think about. I don't think I ever cried that hard in my life.

I put three holes in my wall the week following that, I hated him and it was all I could do to be near him at work. I hated him and everything he had done to me, and felt like I was finally getting over him.

Then I saw him with one of his redheads, and I wanted him back. I wanted him back so hard that it hurt, and once again I didn't trust myself to be anywhere alone with him.

Then I just didn't give a damn. About anything. I took risks in the field on purpose, hoping to take myself out of his life in the easiest possible way because I was too much of a coward to leave. That's when Abby figured things out, and helped me start figuring out how to leave and still be near my family.

I'd felt every emotion possible toward him, and every bit of it had been wasted. Six years of love, all for nothing.

He had no idea how much I cared…

_Didn't you know how much I loved you? _

_Didn't you know how much I loved you baby? _

_I gave you everything, every part of me. _

_Didn't you feel it when I touched you? _

_Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby? _

_Baby tell me, _

_Didn't you know how much I loved you?_

I thought I had showed how much I loved him that night, once again too much of a coward to come straight out and tell him, I had never been so intimate with anyone. It was so much more for me than sex.

But he didn't feel the same way, and he never would. I had had to say that to Abby, to convince her that it really was a good idea for me to leave. I loved him, and he didn't give a damn. He saw me as a mistake that he made with a subordinate.

"I had hope I would find you here, DiNozzo." I froze, trying desperately not to hope so damn much.

"Well, this is my house Gibbs." I muttered sarcastically, hoping he didn't hear the fear in my voice.

"Yeah, that's true." We stood in an awkward silence for a few more minutes, me trying desperately to figure a way out of the situation.

"Was there anything in particular that I can help you with?" I finally asked, crossing my arms across my chest to hold myself together.

"Yeah, actually." Gibbs reached into his breast pocket, and I tried hard not to remember how it felt when I had run my hands across his bare chest, right before laying a trail of kisses down from his neck to his thigh. He pulled out an envelope. "Wanna tell me what the fuck this is, DiNozzo?"

I hoped my face wasn't as red as it felt. "I thought it was pretty obvious, Agent Gibbs, that it was my resignation. You know I don't usually stay at one job too long, and it's time for me to move on to new pursuits." Gibbs raised his eyebrow at me, blatantly calling me a liar.

"So it wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you're disgusted that you slept with you superior officer, then?" I paled, I could feel it in my cheeks.

"H-how…" I stuttered," How could you think that?" I finally managed to breathe out.

"You can hardly look at me, you know that right? And you try really hard not to be, and then last week you wouldn't even speak to me. Not even to give me a report, you made McGee do it, and the kid almost shit his pants every time he had to be alone with me." Then Gibbs held the envelope up. "And now this? You couldn't even tell me in person."

"if you are so convinced that I am disgusted by my mistake, why did you come here in person? Did you think that having you on my turf would be a good fucking idea Gibbs?!" Gibbs' face fell, and he took a step back.

"I guess it wasn't such a good idea in hindsight. I was just hoping to change your mind." Gibbs set the slightly crumpled envelope onto my deck table, and turned to leave. "You should be able to get a job anywhere. You have glowing recomandations from both Jenny and me in that envelope." I saw his shoulders slump slightly, and he turned back to me. "You are an amazing investigator. The team is going to miss having you on our six, Tony." And then he started to leave.

It was him calling me by my first name that did it, that made me go after him. I grabbed his shoulder and spun him back around to face me. "Why do you think I am disgusted by you?"

"Because I am almost twenty five years your senior, Tony. I would be disgusted. If I was your age, I wouldn't want a lover my age slowing me down." He could never slow me down, I was always worried about keeping up with him. "Shit I didn't want a lover period when I was your age. But I do love you Tony, and if I had thought for one second that me coming over here that night would be causing me to lose you forever, then I would never have come. I would rather have you as a friend then not at all." I gazed up at him trying to figure out if he meant it or not.

He took advantage of that, and placed his hand on my cheek. He glanced into my eyes, to see if I would reject him and then pressed his lips to mine softly. "Didn't you know that Tony?" I shook my head and pressed my lips to his again.

He had no idea how much I cared…

_Didn't you know how much I loved you? _

_Didn't you know how much I loved you baby? _

_I gave you everything, every part of me. _

_Didn't you feel it when I touched you? _

_Didn't I rock you when I loved you, baby? _

_Baby tell me, _

_Didn't you know how much I loved you?_

I pulled back from the kiss, breathless and trying to regain my footing. Gibbs' lips were swollen and his face was flushed. "So what do you say Tony? Will you stay and give me a chance? I know that I don't have the best track record with relationships, but I want you to stay." I took a deep breath and wrapped my arms around him tightly.

"Jethro…" He smiled as he heard his name fall from my lips, and my heart jumped. "Didn't you know how much I loved you?" He shook his head and pressed his lips to mine again.


End file.
